I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
