I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize