Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
