You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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