It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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