so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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