Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
