Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
