We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
