he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
