I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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