i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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