Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
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We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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