I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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