there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There r osticjed everywhere
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
