I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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