She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
