dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
