All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
