My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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