I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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