yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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