Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
either way he was missing a nipple.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
