Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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