i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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