my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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