her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Vodka?
Forever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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