Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
