SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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