Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
