for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
