I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
