If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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