there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
