Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize