Tell her she can't have a vagina
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
