You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
