just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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