Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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