Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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