i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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