i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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