today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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