i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize