No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
