I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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