I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude i'm inner monologue high
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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