does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
