I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
