yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
