i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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