is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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