I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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