nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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