i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
