if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
