i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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