Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
