Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
