She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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