Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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