Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
