Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
