i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
