go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
