I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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