you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
